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They wanted to make me wear this bra when I woke up in the morning. Incidentally, I have a theory on why she's the perfect woman for Woody Allen and other conflicted Jewish men: She speaks Yiddish and plays British. Well, there was that one frightening phone call from an ex, but it turned out to be a false alarm. Scarlett used to come to Corner Billiards when she was in high school. Though she and Keira Knightley were originally going to wear thongs, she says the stylist snipped them off. She's so preternaturally confident and self-possessed, you feel as if she could be, at any moment, inwardly rolling her eyes at your dorkiness. She became famous at thirteen as the injured girl in The Horse Whisperer, and more famous at eighteen when she wore sheer underwear in Lost in Translation.

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Hazel. Age: 22.
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Scarlett has more of an aloof, studio-era, Rita Hayworth vibe.

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Jenny. Age: 32.
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Scarlett Johansson NUDE!!!!!!!!! (nsfw)

Perhaps it's this remoteness that makes us want to fill the void with lurid stories. Or there's the story of her demanding to be naked on the set of Michael Bay's The Island. But I guess it's better than if they were all looking at me.

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