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I'm merely suggesting that the world would be a much better place if everyone else were to do exactly what I tell them to do. I'm not capable of doing even the most basic arithmetic -- just know that we're in great danger of making Al Gore really, really mad. Calling to let your friend know you're running late does not excuse your constantly running late. Global warming means the Earth is toast. Why trial could take years. The problems of Britney and Jamie Lynn Spears should not be competing for the headline space in our brains.

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Esmeralda. Age: 24.
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But aside from the food thing and one very adorable guy in the early '80s who was all you'd want in a man except for the fact that he was also looking for all you'd want in a man, I am never, ever wrong.

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Isabella. Age: 32.
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Sometimes I worry that we've all become workaholics -- because getting through life can be really hard work. I'm not capable of doing even the most basic arithmetic -- just know that we're in great danger of making Al Gore really, really mad. She had the lemon chicken, I had the shrimp har kow, and we each had an egg roll because in you could eat sugar and fat and deep-fried everything without its signifying that the apocalypse is at hand. Any man who begins a conversation with, "I don't want to hurt your feelings

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